The Biggest Turn Off Ever

Online dating sucks.

This opinion goes against everything I "am" - as an Aquarius I am supposed to embrace technological advances like this, as a 30-something single woman in 2014 it's basically expected that you find a mate this way (Yes, all I am is an Aquarius and 30-something single person for the purpose of this post).

To be honest, I held off on online dating for a very long time because I thought that it would work. I mean, answer some questions, post some "fun and interesting" facts about yourself (currently - I'm allergic to nuts and I love Michael Bolton), with a few honest potential pet peeves for your future partner (currently- I sneeze A LOT and my afore-mentioned love for Mr. Bolton) and then - BAM! Some Internet algorithm matches you up with someone who "fits" you.

Good grief was I wrong.

Firstly, I find online dating profiles to be the biggest turn off ever. The pictures are usually lame (why you think that a picture of you with a former girlfriend whose face is blurred out would be attractive to a future mate is beyond me). The descriptions vacillate between thinly-veiled pathetic-ness (you spend your Friday nights at home relaxing which means you spend them alone - hey I'm guilty of this too, but my profile doesn't SAY that) or thinly-veiled anger (you still believe in the power of this site despite the number of dinners you've paid for with potential matches that didn't work out - dude, start with a coffee). 

Secondly, manners and etiquette are out the window. Actually, common decency is out the window. One "intro" message I got actually said "Yeah, OK, let's date". Umm, no? Oh, by the way - HELLO! Another message "it's too bad you're looking for a relationship, cause I'd really just like to f**k you" - and that creep was actually on the site listed as MARRIED. Ugh. And then you have your amateur comics "So I saw your picture and my wife and I are really interested in having you join us in the bedroom...ha ha just kidding. I'm not married, but you are cute." I can't even comment any further on this one.

Thirdly, online dating reinforces everything I find frustrating about today's men. I grew up reading about manly men. Men who were confident and were emotional when it mattered. Men who were strong and supportive. Men who knew what they wanted, went after it and got it. Men on online dating sites are NOT like this. And before you get huffy and puffy let me just say that I have no doubt that in person many of these men have potential, but online these traits are forgotten. Every man I interact with online gets stuck in online limbo. They get caught up in the texting or the email conversation. For days and weeks on end. And then I get caught in this weird place where I have to decide if I initiate a meeting or keep waiting. And I'm sorry, but if I have to initiate a meeting, I'm already losing interest. I want a man who is capable of asking me out. Who is interested enough in asking me out! This desire does not make me less of a woman. And please, before you comment on this, think back to how your relationship started. I bet most of you are with men who made the first move. 

Finally, online dating is like a masquerade. Well, to be fair, all dating is like that - eventually the mask comes off the person you think you know and you find out who they really are. In the lucky cases, that person is still pretty similar and things proceed in a mostly normal way. In the unlucky cases - well, that's another story and I'm sure I'll share my experiences at some point. In online dating that mask coming off is when you actually meet the person face to face. Since you've only seen the person in pictures, this is like a roll of the dice - are they tall or short? Are the pictures recent or from 10 years ago? Are they really good at photoshop? Is it even them? What does their voice sound like? What kind of laugh do they have? What do they smell like? And then there's everything else about the person - can they have a normal conversation? Do they cut you off mid-sentence? Are they actually an adorable dork or a super lame one? Are they a sexy man with a heart of gold or are they a Lothario looking to put another notch on their belt? At least when you meet some in real life you can figure out the answers to most of these questions before putting any real effort into the relationship. In online dating you've already established a relationship beforehand, which means the experience of being let down or disappointed is an added bonus.

I've done the paying sites, the free sites and heck, I even tried the twitter route. I've given online dating more than a fair chance. I think I'm done.

Until next time...

Bliss

I'm currently craving the feeling of bliss. I have so many things to be grateful for in my life, and I really am thankful, but right now I am feeling too drained to appreciate or acknowledge all of my blessings. If you know me at all, you know that the past 5 months have been filled with non-stop work for the most part - so it shouldn't come as much surprise that I am in need of some vacation relaxation. Hence, the current craving for bliss. 

What could give me this feeling of bliss? Let me count the ways:

- a bottle of red wine and a patio

- a peaceful snooze in a hammock

- sunshine and a cool breeze while lying on a beach

- Pina Coladas and making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape *sorry, been humming that song all night ;)

- reading a book while hanging out at Webster's Falls

- Wandering aimlessly around flea markets and downtowns 

- another round of karaoke in Sarnia

And so, on the few scattered days I have booked off over the summer, I hope to accomplish all of the above, thereby bringing that blissful feeling into my life.

Until next time...

To Road Trip Or Not To Road Trip?

One of the perks of my job is 3 weeks of vacation time a year. I took a week in January for my cousin's wedding, so I'm already down to 2 weeks. I'm waffling on what to do with the rest of my time off.

Should I take a few extra long weekends over the summer? Should I go home to the parents for a week? Should I spend time puttering around my apartment?

I know full well that I could easily pass a week just relaxing, watching some Netflix, working on my 50 book pledge and lots of other quietly fun activities, with perhaps a night or two of drinking myself silly in front of my friends. I'd definitely enjoy it, then go back to work being pretty happy with all that I didn't accomplish in my time off. I could be OK with that.

Except that part of me that is feeling antsy. The part of me that worries about time slipping by and missing out on opportunities, and not doing what I really want to with my life.

What do I really want to do on my vacation? I wanna go on a roadtrip!

I've always loved the idea of just getting in to the car and driving. Destination Anywhere.* There are so many places I haven't seen, where I haven't been and where I would like to go. When else am I going to have the chance to just go without having anything holding me back?**

Except that there always is a little something that does hold you back, and here's the rub. Not having anything holding me back means that this roadtrip may only include me. Just me. Alone. On the open road. Hmm.

Do I really want to go roadtripping alone? I have a pretty active imagination and am pretty good at imagining the worst case scenario.
Here are a few horrible things that could happen if I take off driving all by my lonesome to uncharted territories:
- car breaks down in middle of nowhere; eaten by cannibals
- car breaks down in middle of nowhere; raped, murdered and cut up into tiny pieces
- take a wrong turn and end up in a situation like that movie "Wrong Turn"; I don't even think I've seen that movie, but I bet it doesn't end well
- spend the night in a motel that ends up being like some kind of Hotel California-like setting where I can't leave; stuck in time limbo
- end up being too weirded out by doing things alone that I end up driving past places I'd really like to visit without stopping

It's a toss up which of those scenarios could happen at any given moment I'm roadtripping alone. Well, really which one of those scenarios could happen at basically any time ever, but I try not to go there - it's about the positivity people!

This probably sounds a little bit sad, but that's really not the point that I'm trying to convey. I actually have quite a few friends, hopefully this isn't shocking news, but they are all equally busy (if not busier) living their own lives. Most of them are married, a lot of them have kids, some of them live far away, etc..

After last week's concert debacle, it has come to my attention again that I need to stop letting myself almost be dissuaded from doing something that I love just because I might have to do it alone. I don't want to be a person who looks back and has a lot of regrets. I already have a handful of them that I wish I could take back, and I don't want to add to that pile.

Granted, going to a concert alone (which I didn't end up having to do thanks to @livingituplaura) is not the same as going on a road trip alone, but the principle of the idea is.

So I'm going to spend a few weeks weighing my options to see how realistic my desire is (it almost always comes down to the money) and deciding if I'm fully committed to the idea. Of course, I'm open to people joining me, I just don't think it's likely that anyone else I know would be very interested in the idea. I'd also rather spend my time thinking, reading and planning over trying to convince someone to join me.

So, which direction am I thinking of heading off towards? Which point will be the goal of the drive, where I'll have to reconcile the fact I can't just drive forever and have to turn around to head back home? The general directions I'm weighing would lead to Chicago, NYC/New Jersey, Boston or Nashville, with plenty of stops and roundabout adventures on the way.***

Because you know friends, it isn't about the destination, it's about the journey.

Until next time...****


* Name of a song from Jon Bon Jovi's solo album also named Destination  
Anywhere. It will probably be my ring tone in due time.
** I had something witty to add here but it has escaped my memory
*** Of course, if I win the lottery beforehand I'll be high-tailing it straight across the country to drive from Vancouver to San Diego
**** Clearly I have been reading too many of @kidamy's blogposts - although I see how the multiple references and witty comments can get addicting

Revelations and Ramblings.

I'm a horrible procrastinator. Just putting that out there. Although I'm sure most of you are smart enough to put two and two together. It's OK to only blog once every 6 months, right? Particularly if you'd like to write for a  living?

I really thought that working a 9-5 job in an office would leave me enough time to write in the evenings. Turns out, you actually have to make the time still. I know, I amaze myself everyday with this type of revelation.

It's surprising how long it can take a broken heart to heal. I envy people who can jump right into a new relationship without letting the old one hold them back. I grieve the end of a relationship for much too long, but at least I know that when I'm ready to move on, I'm healed. Thankfully, I've finally reached this place from my last heartbreak. It's been a tough year, but I'm grateful that I finally feel like myself again - even more so then when I was in that relationship. Turns out, I kind of like me. (Isn't that a nice thing to realize?)

I'm heading to see one of my first musical loves, Michael Bolton, in concert tomorrow night. I bought the tickets on a whim - a whim that I probably should have thought about for more than 30 seconds. A few hours of trying to find a concert buddy could have saved me from paying for an empty seat! I guess old habits die hard. On the bright side, the 50% off deal I got for the tickets means that I'm still basically only paying for the 1 ticket - right?

A few months ago, I probably could have used the 2 seats to fit my uncomfortably large bottom. It's amazing what a few months of not watching or caring what you're eating can do to you. Wait, let me add "in your 30's" to that comment. Ugh. Getting older sucks. Still, a little perseverance, a scary number on the scale and a dent to my VISA and I'm on a much better track now. 30 days of Isagenix, followed by smart eating and better choices (and the occasional cleanse day) has lead to me having lost 18 pounds since April 1. What a great feeling to be able to step on the scale and not want to cry! I still have a ways to go before I am completely happy, but it's great to finally feel like I'm on the right path.

I'm coming up on my 4th anniversary of being a Hamiltonian (Let's forget the year in Burlington, OK?). To celebrate, I'm planning to do something extremely outrageous - I'm not going to move this year! I know, I know - from Locke St to Westdale to the forgotten year to Waterdown - logically I should be going to the Mountain, or maybe Ancaster or Dundas - but nope - I'm staying put! My family must be SO excited! Basically, I don't have a real reason to move so I guess I'll stay. I'm still coming to terms with this, as it's an activity I've gotten used to doing (28 moves in 32 years!) What the heck am I supposed to do for a vacation this summer now? Relax? Huh?

I have some sad news in the Cabernet department - I'm taking a break from red wine. :( Has anyone else ever noticed that they break out after drinking red wine? Sigh. We'll see how long this lasts. I suspect I'll convert back after my first hangover from my current go-to drink (vodka soda with cranberry please).

As for the karaoke, I miss it the most. Why does my best karaoke buddy live so bloody far away? I'm not going to lie, I even looked up some apartments in Sarnia, but that commute would be a bitch. I'm only half joking here. An honourable mention goes out to my attempt at karaoke from the wedding I was at last week. What do you do when you're at a wedding where you only know a handful of people and you have no one to slow dance with? Why, you grab an empty beer bottle and belt that power ballad out to anyone who will watch! You all do that too, right?

One last revelation here and I'll quit this ramble-y post. (Sidenote: Revelations and Ramblings sounds like a great album name. Get on it.) Flirting is fun. That's pretty mind-blowing, I know. I like my revelations on a less than biblical scale. They're safer that way.

Until next time...

Well, hello there!

I've been a little MIA since the readathon, but I havent forgotten about you all here! 

I just finished the first creative writing course that I've taken in years, and I have  mixed feelings about it. It didn't really help with my motivation when it comes to writing, which was why I looked into taking a class. It was nice to get some feedback on my writing again though. I wish the topics had focused more closely on novel writing rather than short form writing. I'm debating whether to take a class in the winter session or maybe just doing the odd workshop. 

I do have one short story that I'm quite happy with from the class, so maybe you'll see it here sometime soon. 

I've started rewriting a novel I wrote in high school, so I think that is going to be my next focus. 

Bear with me as I find my way here on this blog. Having moved on from my 1001 things in 101 days blog, I'm looking to expand my voice with this blog, discussing all of the hot topics that interest me. And they'll probably include Karaoke & Cabernet! ;)

 

Readathon - Final Post

Well...we made it!
Not that we all were awake for 24 hours - pretty sure we all got a solid 6 hours of sleep :)
I managed to finish enough books to make me happy about it :)
The Readathon "challenges" were OK - if they took about 5 minutes to do I enjoyed them. Some of them seemed like they would take much longer to do and didn't really interest me - if I'm reading for 24 hours then I want to read!!

Here is my end of readathon survey:

1. Which hour was most daunting for you? The most daunting hours for me were within the first 6 - mostly because I was so tired after a week of being sick. 
2. Could you list a few high-interest books that you think could keep a Reader engaged for next year? I really enjoyed "Not a Drop to Drink" - teen fiction is definitely a good readathon choice because it's easy to read and, for me, a quick read.
3. Do you have any suggestions for how to improve the Read-a-thon next year? - I really don't get the whole community thing - aside from a few tweets I didn't really feel connected to the contest. I guess something to improve that - otherwise I might as well just pick my own day to read for 34 hours. Also - it's Thanksgiving weekend in Canada and not the most ideal time for the event here.
4. What do you think worked really well in this year’s Read-a-thon? - Personally, just hanging out with my friends here reading together - it was fun to catch up and chill for 24 hours :)
5. How many books did you read? - I read 3 1/2 books
6. What were the names of the books you read? - the last half of Orange is the New Black, Behind the Bell, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry & Not a Drop to Drink
7. Which book did you enjoy most? - I think I enjoyed the last 2 the most - Fiction is always my favourite, even though I branch out now to non-fiction more than enough
8. Which did you enjoy least? - Behind the Bell - it was just kind of silly, not the drama-filled expose I hoped for
9. If you were a Cheerleader, do you have any advice for next year’s Cheerleaders? - N/A
10. How likely are you to participate in the Read-a-thon again? What role would you be likely to take next time? -  I can see my friends and I doing a readathon again, but not sure about the official one - we'll see! 

Thanks for following along here (if you did)! 

Thank you to Janey Canuck & kidAmy for the fun times, multitude of treats and lots of laughs :)

Readathon Mini Challenge: Best of Your Reading Year

This Mini Challenge is one of my favourite things to do - browse through my Pinterest Board ( http://www.pinterest.com/katykaraoke/50-book-pledge-2013/ ) to check out what I have read this year! Thanks to the blog "Lisa's World of Books" for the challenge!

Here are my faves of 2013 so far:

Best Book of Your Reading Year - Life After Life by Kate Atkinson - pick this up!!!!

Best Romance Book of Your Reading Year - Blackberry Winter by Sarah Jio

Best YA Book of Your Reading Year - Paper Towns by John Green 

Best Fantasy Book of Your Reading Year - A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness

Best Non-Fiction Book of Your Reading Year - The Soul of it All by Michael Bolton

Best Fiction Book of Your Reading Year - The Girl You Left Behind by Jojo Moyes

Best Author of Your Reading Year - I discovered both Sarah Jio & Jojo Moyes this year and recommend them often!

Best Cover of Your Reading Year - 

(Sorry, couldn't help myself) ;)

- See more at: http://www.lisasworldofbooks.net/2013/read-thon-mini-challenge-hour-13-best-reading-year#sthash.tTBcJriY.dpuf