This opinion goes against everything I "am" - as an Aquarius I am supposed to embrace technological advances like this, as a 30-something single woman in 2014 it's basically expected that you find a mate this way (Yes, all I am is an Aquarius and 30-something single person for the purpose of this post).
To be honest, I held off on online dating for a very long time because I thought that it would work. I mean, answer some questions, post some "fun and interesting" facts about yourself (currently - I'm allergic to nuts and I love Michael Bolton), with a few honest potential pet peeves for your future partner (currently- I sneeze A LOT and my afore-mentioned love for Mr. Bolton) and then - BAM! Some Internet algorithm matches you up with someone who "fits" you.
Good grief was I wrong.
Firstly, I find online dating profiles to be the biggest turn off ever. The pictures are usually lame (why you think that a picture of you with a former girlfriend whose face is blurred out would be attractive to a future mate is beyond me). The descriptions vacillate between thinly-veiled pathetic-ness (you spend your Friday nights at home relaxing which means you spend them alone - hey I'm guilty of this too, but my profile doesn't SAY that) or thinly-veiled anger (you still believe in the power of this site despite the number of dinners you've paid for with potential matches that didn't work out - dude, start with a coffee).
Secondly, manners and etiquette are out the window. Actually, common decency is out the window. One "intro" message I got actually said "Yeah, OK, let's date". Umm, no? Oh, by the way - HELLO! Another message "it's too bad you're looking for a relationship, cause I'd really just like to f**k you" - and that creep was actually on the site listed as MARRIED. Ugh. And then you have your amateur comics "So I saw your picture and my wife and I are really interested in having you join us in the bedroom...ha ha just kidding. I'm not married, but you are cute." I can't even comment any further on this one.
Thirdly, online dating reinforces everything I find frustrating about today's men. I grew up reading about manly men. Men who were confident and were emotional when it mattered. Men who were strong and supportive. Men who knew what they wanted, went after it and got it. Men on online dating sites are NOT like this. And before you get huffy and puffy let me just say that I have no doubt that in person many of these men have potential, but online these traits are forgotten. Every man I interact with online gets stuck in online limbo. They get caught up in the texting or the email conversation. For days and weeks on end. And then I get caught in this weird place where I have to decide if I initiate a meeting or keep waiting. And I'm sorry, but if I have to initiate a meeting, I'm already losing interest. I want a man who is capable of asking me out. Who is interested enough in asking me out! This desire does not make me less of a woman. And please, before you comment on this, think back to how your relationship started. I bet most of you are with men who made the first move.
Finally, online dating is like a masquerade. Well, to be fair, all dating is like that - eventually the mask comes off the person you think you know and you find out who they really are. In the lucky cases, that person is still pretty similar and things proceed in a mostly normal way. In the unlucky cases - well, that's another story and I'm sure I'll share my experiences at some point. In online dating that mask coming off is when you actually meet the person face to face. Since you've only seen the person in pictures, this is like a roll of the dice - are they tall or short? Are the pictures recent or from 10 years ago? Are they really good at photoshop? Is it even them? What does their voice sound like? What kind of laugh do they have? What do they smell like? And then there's everything else about the person - can they have a normal conversation? Do they cut you off mid-sentence? Are they actually an adorable dork or a super lame one? Are they a sexy man with a heart of gold or are they a Lothario looking to put another notch on their belt? At least when you meet some in real life you can figure out the answers to most of these questions before putting any real effort into the relationship. In online dating you've already established a relationship beforehand, which means the experience of being let down or disappointed is an added bonus.
I've done the paying sites, the free sites and heck, I even tried the twitter route. I've given online dating more than a fair chance. I think I'm done.
Until next time...
